I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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