girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize