Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
