You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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