I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
