is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
