I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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