the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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