I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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