I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
