...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
