I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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