This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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