just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
