Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
