i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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