The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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