Porn is love you can see.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
