dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
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New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
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I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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