i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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