I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
