One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
