I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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