I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
