i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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