Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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