Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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