If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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