I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
