youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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