your parents love me but you hate me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
