She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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