You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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