too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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