I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
