you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
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I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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