If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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