if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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