Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
