my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
