I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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