well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
