i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
