Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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