What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
accomplished twins. life is a go
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
