I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
