guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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