nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i believe in u and ur pee
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
