He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
