My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
