dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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