Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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