We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
