How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
