I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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