You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
