Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
NoShamevember. You game?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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