Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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