apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
