a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We are two peas in an std pod
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
