Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Still dying that you shit outside
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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