You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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