I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
