At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
