I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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