I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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