he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
