I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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