Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
