Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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