The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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