God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
