i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
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We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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