kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
